I found this statement on Pinterest several weeks ago and it just stuck–it has been on my heart ever since then.
I truly believe that this saying could be applied to any aspect of life that you can imagine–eating, dieting, giving into certain temptations or peer pressures, skipping a workout…you name it, I’m sure at a point you wanted to resign and throw the towel in. In this post, I’m applying it to the relationships in my life.
In reflection, I can barely comprehend how vastly different my life is today than it was a couple of years ago, and how my life today is so different than I ever imagined it would be.
Growing up, one of my greatest dreams in life was to become a wife and a mom. To some, it may sound less than ambitious. Some have even questioned why I am going to school if my end goal is to stay at home and cook, but it’s more to me than that. I have so many dreams in my life, and being a first generation college graduate is one of them, but so is being married and having a family.
Life happens though, as I am sure you are well aware of. We get thrown curve balls, the unexpected takes place, and it can often feel like you’re kind of stuck on a road somewhere. Everything around you looks the same and you’re not sure if you should turn around, go forward, or lay down and take a nap.
I experienced my first real heartbreak at age 19 and resigned from dating for a short while. I hated guys and only wanted to run, which was a blessing in disguise. Ultimately, I still wanted to find ‘the one’ eventually, and live happily ever after with this idea of a guy that I had dreamt of since I was a little girl.
When I reached my lowest body weight, I noticed that I was getting more attention. From guys in public, guys that I had classes with, and I liked it. This lead to me dating, and a lot. I received affection and these really good looking guys were pursuing me and it was fun! Emotionally, I remained detached. Deep down, I knew that these guys were not the type of guys I should have been dating, but I was having fun. I had given up my big picture for what felt good at the moment. These guys didn’t treat me like the way my parents raised me that I should be treated, they didn’t respect me, and they weren’t interested in who I was as a person. They wanted to have fun and do some things I wouldn’t agree to, which sent most of them to the curb. Or they sent me to the curb, you can look at it whichever way you want.
Among all of this, I lost a grip of who I am. I wasn’t spending time with people who brought out my good qualities, and I felt as though I was stuck, stranded in the middle of the road somewhere and all of the scenery looked the same. There was a point just a year ago where I vowed between God and myself, that I wasn’t going to date again until I found my husband. I didn’t know how I would know it was ‘him,’ but I quit the careless dating and attention-seeking. If anything, I didn’t want to be noticed by men. My plan was to finish school, get a great internship, perhaps move to a new city for a job that I loved, go to graduate school, and maybe start thinking about dating again when I hit thirty. I set my focus on what I wanted-and back on God- and was going for it.
I knew that if I wasn’t happy by myself, I would never be happy with someone else. Because you’re stuck with yourself forever.
[As you may know, my 'plans' never really go as planned]
These plans of mine were interrupted by the onset of feelings that I realized I had for my current fiance. Literally, it was a morning in June that I woke up and thought, ‘I think I like Jason.’ My faith had recently stepped up to a new level and I didn’t know what was going on. God knew that this whole thing wasn’t part of my plan, which is what makes it beautiful. This is because really, Jason was part of the plan and I didn’t realize it. It was my plan but it wasn’t my plan. I had my eyes focused on the big thing–what I wanted most. I still wanted to get married, but that wasn’t where my focus was; my focus was on becoming the best ‘me’ that I could and I knew the other things would follow. It is amazing that when we keep our focus on what seems impossible, that our dreams become our reality, thus allowing us to have greater dreams than even before.
This is for you women and girls out there, maybe you are single, dating, heartbroken, kind-of-dating, sleeping with someone, co-habitating, or you’ve sworn off men for life.
Let me warn you, doing this might mean leaving a bad relationship and admitting that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. It might be really uncomfortable and awful at first, but without some pulling of weeds and pressure applied, we can’t grow into the absolute best that we are so capable of.
Don’t give up the way you know that you deserve to be treated, respected, cared for, loved on, admired, uplifted, challenged, and adored– for anything.
But first, you must treat yourself this way. You must take care of yourself, do what you know is best for you, respect yourself, challenge yourself, uplift yourself–because if you don’t do this, then no one else can.
Don’t give up what you want the very most for what looks and feels good right now.
Because nothing can compare to how incredible it is to begin to achieve what you want the most.